Cut it out!

Like most other people my age, I used to watch TGIF on Friday nights and one of my favorite shows was “Full House.” That was back when the Olsen twins were still innocent and cute and “family” TV was still safe for the whole family. There were a lot of cute catch phrases that came from that show, but the one that keeps coming to mind is Uncle Joey’s “Cut it out!” complete with the motions.

There are so many ways to interpret this phrase. The first that comes to mind (as my kids are currently repeating the same thing over and over and over and over) is CUT IT OUT! STOP!!!!! (Note the multiple exclamation points; this indicates something like shouting.) I try, oh I try, not to yell at them. I don’t want them to remember a shouting and angry mom. Yet, today, Ethan thought I had left my tablet at church because I was looking for it and Kaylee reminded me that I had taken it to our homeschool group. I knew I hadn’t left it there – it was in my box that I had brought home. He said, “Wow, Mommy, you are handling this much better than I thought you would. I was sure you’d freak out like you normally do.” Oh boy, I have to work on that.

“Cut it out” also means to use scissors to cut out something. My kids all have lots of things to cut out for their school work and they always ask for help. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell them that they need to practice using scissors so that they can get better at it, they always complain and ask me to do it. I’m sure I used to do the same thing to my mom (and teachers) and if I did, I’m sorry! I seem to have gotten the hang of it now, though.

But the thing that keeps sticking in my head when I think “cut it out” is in my life. To be sure, I’ve felt a “cease and desist” order on a lot of things in my schedule because I just can’t handle too much physically or mentally. And my brain keeps wandering back to hating my body and wishing I was thinner and had awesome muscle tone – “Cut it out!” I tell myself. And of course, I’m reminded that the reason my brain wanders like that is because my river of thoughts isn’t flowing in the right direction. See, I think I can “fix” my body (once I have this next surgery, I tell you, I’ll be able to do anything I ever wanted! Ha ha.) by exercising and perhaps starving myself (no worries, I won’t. I like chocolate and my homemade bread too much!). I make plans to start counting calories and to start exercising so that I can look the way I’ve dreamed my whole life. I also have found it way easier to tell people “no” when I’m asked to go places or do things that are just too much for me – I’ve found it freeing to not worry about if they care why I’m not going. Somehow, I’ve learned that I don’t give a rat’s nostril whether they are upset that I am not participating in whatever they are asking me to do. I’ve gotten better about being very purposeful in my purchasing decisions, even the little ones. We’ve got medical bills coming, once the insurance gets all sorted out, and I want to make sure I’m making wise choices.

And yet, I still feel so discouraged about nearly everything all the time. I’m short tempered, I’m depressed, I’m angry. I can’t figure out why.

Or maybe I can.

I need to “cut it out” – to cut out everything that isn’t Jesus. Sienna said it to me this morning, “Mama, God is all we need, isn’t He?”

There are people who don’t understand what it means to have a relationship with God – they think it’s all about religion and really, it has nothing to do with religion. They think of the Bible as an ancient book of pretty words that aren’t relevant today – archaic ideas and philosophies that can’t possibly do anything to bring life to someone whose heart is dying. Some people go to church every week and have never learned that Jesus is the Living Water – the source of life in the desert of depression. There’s no way I can force anyone to understand that getting the perfect body isn’t the way to accept themselves or that our identity isn’t found in our jobs, our families, or even our personalities. We spend our whole live trying to find fulfillment and purpose, trying to matter and we look everywhere but the one place we need to look.

I can hear voices in my head – friends who think that being a Christian means being intolerant and hypocritical – telling me that they want nothing to do with Jesus. All they can see are the things they have to cut out of their lives if they decide to follow Jesus. They don’t want to lose their freedom. But I can tell you with out a moment’s hesitation that giving up everything to follow Jesus is freedom. You don’t realize how much you won’t miss the things you gave up until you’ve lived without them a few days – it’s like any addiction, you have to give it up and yeah, it’s gonna hurt, but just think how amazing you’ll feel when you’ve made it past the withdraw!

I need to sign off for now, but there’s more coming – I promise. In the meantime, pray about what it means to “cut it out.” God’s just waiting to bless your socks off!