Me impatient? That’s un-possible.

Tom is the best. He surprised me with a Kindle for Mother’s Day. (I got it a week early because I checked our budget statement and saw it on there after Tom had gone through great lengths to make sure there was no way I’d see it on the credit card statement.) I loved it. I read probably 7 books in the 3.5 weeks I had it. But last week Barns and Noble announced that they are coming out with a touch screen Nook. And well, Tom said if it had been out before, he would have gotten that instead – he said I should return the Kindle. So I sent back my Kindle and am waiting for the Nook. It won’t be released until June 10th. I pre-ordered so it should be shipped on the 10th, but I want it NOW!

And the worst part is, I’m not sure if I’ll like it better than the Kindle or not – it is a simpler device; no internet browser, no headphone jack, only two buttons. It’s basically just an e-reader with no fancy extras – which is what I want. I didn’t use the Kindle for anything but reading. And with the Nook, I can check out books from the library right now (or when I get it that is) – the Kindle is supposed to release that feature later this year. Something about the Kindle having the internet browser was that I could go to Project Gutenberg and download books instead of going through the Amazon store. What if the Nook’s bookstore is harder to navigate? What if the touch screen isn’t as good as it’s supposed to be?

Why am I such a worrywart? Tom pointed out that if I don’t like it, I can simply return it and re-order the Kindle. But I want to know if I will like it now. And I want to read more books now. Without having to turn pages or worrying about the kids pulling out my bookmarks, because, of course, I can go to the library to get books.

I’ve always agonized over silly things like this. Last year I stayed up until 1:00 a.m. trying to decide between two pairs of sandals I’d found online. Both would have been fine – and that was the problem! If there was a clear advantage to one pair over the other, I’d have decided at 3:00 in the afternoon!

When Tom ordered the Kindle, it was so much better than the Nook – it had the new pearl e-ink, the battery life was one month, it was thinner and lighter. Now, they both have advantages and disadvantages (although it remains to be seen how many disadvantages the Nook has).

Why isn’t it June 10th yet??

The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah.

Every year I plan to get a jump on the ants before they come into our house. Every year I forget until I see them crawling somewhere – typically swarming around a crumb of some kind. Imagine that – crumbs in my house. However on earth did they get there?

So every year, I put out traps, spray around the areas I think they are getting in and usually they are gone after a week or so. This year, however, they have been particularly persistent. Those little buggers have been everywhere – and I do mean everywhere – in my house. First we saw them by the front door. No big surprise – it’s not air tight. I can see daylight in a few places, even. Spray, spray, ant traps.

Then they showed up in the living room which is adjacent to the front entrance. Spray, spray, vacuum, move couch, empty couch full of three or four boxes worth of cereal, ant traps. Then they showed up on the opposite end of the living room. Spray, spray, ant trap. Next we found them in the kitchen. Spray, spray, ant traps. Then the family room – swarming all over some odd substance on the wall (couldn’t be food – my kids are never messy when they eat). Spray, spray, ant traps. Then the basement. Vacuum, vacuum, spray, spray, ant traps.

I’ve only seen one or two upstairs, but I sprayed and ant trapped up there, too. I now have exactly 32 ant traps in and around my house. I’ve also spread some kind of bug/ant poison around the outside perimeter of the house. Supposedly it kills spiders, too. That remains to be seen. The poison box said to water the area thoroughly afterward spreading it for best results. It rained about 1.5 inches in an hour that night. I hope that is thorough enough.

You’re probably wondering why I haven’t called the Orkin man. Well, I always think I am going to – but I want to call late enough in the year that I can use the one year guarantee when the ants come back in the spring and by then, I’ve already taken care of them. Yesterday was the last time I saw any ants – but then again, I haven’t been home today until just an hour ago. And I haven’t gone into any rooms except one. I shall not seek them out, however – that would just be silly. Let them find me, I say. Because, of course, they will never find a single crumb in my house – I’ve decided that our family will just start fasting until I know they are gone. I haven’t let them know that yet, but I’m sure they’ll agree. Otherwise, I’ll have to start feeding them with those bags they feed horses with to keep the crumbs contained. Yeah, that seems like a better idea. Off to find feed bags… and maybe another ant trap or two.

“Mommy, that poopy looks like…”

Yeah, when you’re a parent, you say things you thought you would never say (“Ethan, do not give cake to the plant. Plants don’t eat cake.” “Kaylee, stop licking the walls.” “No, Sienna, you may not have pink chicken for dinner.” And, naturally, your kids say things you thought you’d never hear. Many times, I burst out laughing at the silly things they say. For example, Kaylee loves to pray and she’s gotten more and more amusing as she’s gotten older. Last night we heard:

“Dear Lord, thank you for our food (at bedtime with no food in sight). Thank you for our mommy and daddy. Bless these to our bodies. Thank you for we are very cute. And beautiful. And thank you for us to sleep good and thank you and we love you. AHHHH-men.”

How do you not laugh out loud at that? Typically, my lips are very sore during prayer time.

Then Sienna prayed:

“Dear Lord, thank you. Help us to sleep. Help us to have no bad dreams. Help us to be good to other people and love them. Because if you are bad, you go in time out or you get a bad consequence. And you don’t like bad consequences, you want good consequences. And you don’t like to go in time out because it makes you sad. Amen.”

Giggle. Giggle.

But tonight, I heard something that I think I never ever ever ever ever ever ever could have even imagined even if I had wanted to. Which I wouldn’t have because it is disgusting.

Yet, it is so funny that I cannot help but share. As you can tell from the title, it’s about poo. More specifically it’s about what the poo resembled. Now I’m not going to say I’ve never looked at the toilet after I’ve gone, er, number two. But I don’t typically study the shape or try to figure out what it looks like. It’s not like gazing up at puffy clouds and saying, “Hey, that cloud looks like an elephant!” I could understand trying to find shapes in, say, your food even. But not in the toilet. Never in the toilet.

So you can imagine my surprise as I wiped Sienna’s bum and she said very excitedly, “Mommy, that poopy looks like a princess.”

I’ll give you a minute to stop laughing. Just typing it out makes me giggle again.

Now I know what you’re wondering – did it look like a princess? I can’t honestly say because just as she said “Mommy” I was already flushing the toilet. However, the glimpse I got as it swirled down the toilet didn’t look anything like Ariel. Or Belle. Or Cinderella. To be honest, it looked like poo. Average, everyday poo.

I’ve heard other people say that their kids described their poo as a log or balls or something like that. Maybe my kids have even done that very thing. But this takes the cake. Sweet, pink Sienna who adores all things princess and wants nothing more than to be a princes when she grows up now sees princesses in the potty. (Hey! That sounds like the title of a good children’s book.) I guess, at least, this means I have a child who is capable of finding beauty in the most odious situations. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

 

Hello, my name is Kathy, and I spoiled my kids. (Hi, Kathy)

I don’t really spoil our kids. When we go to the store, I don’t but a lot of treats. We get doughnuts sometimes. But I don’t buy toys or candy – especially when they kids act like I’m trying to kidnap them if I say “no.” Lately, though, the weather has been craptastic. Rain, rain, and more and more rain. No kidding – last month we went 16 days with only one dry day. Misery! Everything is saturated so that even when it isn’t raining, the ground is like a mud pit with grass growing (and growing insanely fast, I might add) on top. Add to that a mommy with constant headaches and you get really bored kids really fast.

So yesterday, after a particularly miserable Monday, I took the kids to the grocery store and promised to let them buy one toy. I had a $5 limit and all three of them picked those huge balls that WalMart keeps in the middle of the store. Predictably, Sienna’s was pink, Kaylee’s was purple, and Ethan’s was green. I pride myself on being firm and saying no and having no silly things in my cart (you know, like gum and chips and stuff that bad parents buy their kids… ahem…). So imagine how, er, shamed I was to have so many mothers with small children pass me and my three kids with their giant balls. Their kids whined, “I want a ball!” They gave me dirty looks. (I kid you not, I thought one mom was going to ask me to take it outside with her.)

Ok, so maybe I’m exaggerating – those moms probably weren’t giving me dirty looks. (Then again, I’ve probably given dirty looks when I see kids I think are being spoiled.) But I did feel silly – what with a cart full of huge balls and very little food. Eh, and the food I did buy was “comfort food”. Chips. Ice cream. Frozen pizza. You know, the healthy stuff.

But I seem to remember reading where this really genius mom said that those kinds of things don’t make you a good mom or not. She said something about love being the biggest thing. And yeah, I love my kids – enough to buy them ginormous bouncy balls. And ice cream. And chips. Yeah. My kids got spoiled. Oh well!

I will survive

I wish I was one of those people who handled trials with grace, patience and a good attitude. I’m not, though. Far from it – I’ve been short-tempered, snappy, angry, pouty, complaining… In fact, every trial I’ve ever experienced has made me this way. Perhaps that’s why God allows me to go through them; so I learn to be a little more grown-up about things.

I’m so very thankful for my kids and husband. What a joy my little ones are – so caring and they try so hard to be understanding. They don’t complain (much) when I tell them we have to play something slow and calm so that my head won’t explode. Tom has been extremely helpful and is even coming to my next doctor’s appointment to make sure that she understands just how much my daily life has been effected by this recent flare-up of headaches.

God is good. All the time.

Prayers would be nice

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a few days – a week? I’m just feeling as though I’m at the bottom of myself and I don’t want to write extraordinarily depressing posts, I guess. Anyway, my “new” headache (has been here over a month now) has got me to the point where I can’t even get up to go pee without it causing my head to throb. (Kinda like a toddler, eh?) It’s not that the pain is so bad, but that NOTHING makes it go away. I had my brain MRI done yesterday and got the disc today. I won’t get “official” results until next Wednesday and patience is not my strongest trait.

In the meantime, I’m feeling like a fat slug because I can’t move without my head hurting.

I want answers and I want them yesterday.

Hey, Mickey, You’re So Fine (and Hoochie Mama)

I love how kids are naive and innocent. How they can repeat things and have no clue what they are saying. My kids think that song is about Mickey Mouse. They run around singing:

Hey – Mickey – you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mine. (Yes, mine. As in exploding.)

No biggie – people seem to think that’s cute and often find themselves singing along. Good times. Could be worse.

It is slightly more unsettling to hear them run around yelling: Hoochie Mama! (Spell check tried to tell me to make that “hooker mama”…)

They learned that from their dad. You might ask yourself, “Why would he teach them something like that?” Well, fair reader, (I’ve been reading Jane Eyre – so pardon me if I slip into old English now and then) I’ll tell you why.

Whenever he has a chance, Tom tells the kids a bedtime story. As of late, the kids have been on a “Super Mario Bothers” kick. So nearly every night, my creative husband comes up with a new adventure for Mario and “Weegee” (or Luigi – take your pick). As you can imagine, repeatedly telling about how Princess Peach was captured yet again by the monstrous spiky turtle Bowser can get a little old. So Tom likes to throw in little twists every now and then. Much giggling results from these twists. I’m not oft in the room when he tells them (because he’s so fine (wink wink) that he lets me rest while he puts them to bed) so the other night, for some reason, Bowser ended up yelling “Hoochie Mama!” at Mario. And, naturally, the kids picked up on it.

Again, I hear you ask, “But why hoochie mama? Why not some other phrase?”

If you’re a Seinfeld fan (which you should be), you need no explanation. You would recognize that sentiment from the episode where Kramer tries to learn how to relax by saying, “Serenity now!” and yet ends up rather insane. George’s dad also uses the phrase and switches to “Hoochie mama!” because “serenity now” doesn’t work anymore. Used in context, it’s not so bad. I mean, it’s not something I’d want my kids to go around saying.

Oh, wait. Oops. Serenity now?

(Insanity later.)